Thursday, April 14, 2011

Sue Sylvester talks style and polyester

I'm not epically into Glee, (Lea Michele's character makes me want to staple things to my own head), but I love, love, love Sue Sylvester and her fascist take on cheerleading. I used to be a cheerleader and trust me; it's not that far off the mark.... anyway, I needed a laugh yesterday, and got a hit from Sylvester's interview in UK Elle (the March issue). Here are some of her responses for your reading pleasure.

I LOOK MY BEST...whenever I am looked upon. Morning, noon, and night. Seriously, I am radiant.

MY FASHION synthetic, synthetic, synthetic. I try not to let natural fibres touch me. I fancy I'm allergic, though there's no way of knowing without seeing a dermatologist, and there's no way that'll happen. Dermatologists are always trying to get me to show my breasts.

MY STYLE ADVICE TO WILL when you wake up in the morning, take a minute to think about what kind of image you want to present to the world, then punch yourself in the face.

I INSPIRE A LOT OF YOUNG WOMEN...because I teach them humility, grace and poise. It resonates with some girls, who I then banish from my presence. I then corral the other ones, and teach them fear, intimidation, and deep, deep arrogance.

I'M KNOWN FOR MY ANDROGYNOUS DRESS SENSE...but I stay feminine by rubbing exotic orchid petals all over my body every 15 minutes. And when I say all over, I mean all over.

APPROACH A TRACKSUIT LIKE A WILD ANIMAL...walk gingerly towards it, speaking softly. Then, at the last moment pounce and wrestle it to the ground and strangle it into submission. It can easily take three hours. I'm often late for work.

YOU MAY NOT KNOW THIS...but I'm terrified of ginger children. Seriously. I don't like how you can see the veins in their temples. Also they have the slightest copper smell, which is deeply unsettling.

MY GREATEST STYLE oil spills. You know why? Polyester is petroleum by-product. So that spill in the Gulf of Mexico was really just coating hundreds of miles of coastline in fashion.
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