An Award and Seven Small Stories from the Doll House.

This blog has been given an award. My blogging friend, Thea, from Do I Really Wanna Blog, was so kind as to bestow this award upon me.
I doubt she would ever have realised what a weird place this thing has sent me into.
See, thing is, I dont really know why I am blogging at all; besides having a virtual thumb-print of my aesthetic devotions to point to. I mean, I could keep a freaking journal (I actually do... for research purposes only), or talk to my mates (ummmm yes, yes and yeeeeeeesssssss), or I could make incredibly complex pieces of jewellery which I then 'pilot-wear' around the house and discover that I have failed to file the metal barbs off said piece of jewellery, and spokes are now poking into my flesh and my body is left looking like I've self flagellated or something.... Or if I was as incredibly giftted as this girl right here, I would do a most awesome and hysterical drawing and post it, to summarise how I feel about my blog, and why I write here.

So, having thanked Thea, I am now supposed to pass this award onto 15 other blogs. This has left me a little flummuxed.... so, umm, maybe I can give it to these people:

Souvenirs
Lovelorn Unicorn
Glitter Tears
Maria Nilsdotter
Liebemarlene Vintage
Her Ribbons and Her Bows
Blood Milk
I Told Her To Have One On Me
Daughter Of The Soho Riots
Dream and Fantasy
Heart In A Cage
The Palpable Obscure
Weddings With Care
Don Juans Reckless Daughter
Maxabella Loves
Phew! So here is the second part of the deal - 7 small 'truths'.

1. I'm scared of nothing, living or dead, this life or the next, EXCEPT rodents and birds. These f=ckers scare the shit out of me... Let me explain: One time, there was a mouse in our house. We all heard the 'creepings' and the 'scurraliiings' of its little body, up and down our walls at night. We sought help: "Put a bait in the wall, You Bunch Of Weirdos!!!" So we did. We pulled the fridge out, and put 'really-bad-poison-stuff' into the wall. And then we waited. A few days later, we came downstairs and 'smelt a peculiar smell'. Sis left for work, and Bro and I were left with strict instructions to 'FIX THE SITUATION'. We looked under the fridge and saw..... a tail!!!!!!!!! At this point, it would be wise for me to say that Bro and I have weak stomachs. Bro peered under the fridge and saw the freaking 'rodent-invader-of-death', and immediately started heaving into the kitchen sink... SO BEING THE MAN... I told him that if he failed here, all was lost. We gathered our wits, got on our knees and looked at the bloody rodent tail.... we drew breath....he pulled his gloves up.... and YANKED THE TAIL...whahhwhwhwhwhwhALIUYDSIFWFJBWHJajASJQJB... AND PULLED OUT A DEAD RAT......!!!!!
Bro threw up in the kitchen sink, and I ran screaming out the front door and threw up in the hedges.
WE DONT DO RODENTS HERE.


2. I learnt to read with my Mum. No little childrens books here - we read VOGUE. We also read little picture books, but they made no impact on me so much as the times spent with Mum, curled up in the 'big bed' pouring over Vogue. Pictures/art/fashion/fashion/pictures/art - it all collided into a magical, beautiful, never-ending voyage of couture. I have a photograph beside my bed of me at age 3, with a Vogue magazine; curled up in Mum and Dad's bed. I wish I was there still, earnestly discussing the merits of Valentino over YSL couture with my Mama.

3. I've survived anorexia and bulimia. I lost years, years of my young life. Hospitals. Hospitals. Possible death. One time, death was so close, I begged my Lord to let me stay. And He did. But not before I'd done some serious thinking. One of the nurses who looked after me said a most amazing thing, which I will carry with me always. She spent nights nursing me when I was terribly ill, and I remember asking her "how do you fix this?" And she said "You have to love. You have to love it, very, very hard." And I will never forget that.

4. I'm for animals (with the exception of my first point). I love animals SO much, that I spent years 'pretending' that I was cool with horse-riding lessons, regardless of the fact that every Monday until I was 14, I returned from horse-riding lessons, just shy of breaking out in hives. I would be sneezing my head off, with eyes itching like a derilict, trying to pretend that I 'got' horses. What I ended up getting was so badly thrown off that everyone interceded and realised that if this crazy kid keeps getting chucked off (numerous times a week) she may break something and NEVER BE ABLE TO DANCE AGAIN!!!

5. Hello. I'm a dancer. Nice to meet you. Did I mention that I spent 20+ years at a ballet barre? No? Well, I did. You name it; I can do it: splits (3 ways), cartwheels, pirouettes, kicks-up-to-my-flipping-ears! Part of my creative life now is about constructing a one-woman show, based on fan-kicks, feathered fans, jokes, and cabaret songs. And I get paid for it! How awesome! There've been good gigs and some really absolutely diabolical gigs, but thats just the way it goes. I tried to stop dancing once and be a 'normal' person with 'normal', regular work. It ended badly with me screaming off down the highway to audition, so now I just do what takes my fancy, and that seems to be doing my own show.

6.  I'm desperately allergic to peanuts and shell-fish. Like, if I touch prawns my hands get all itchy and if I smell peanuts my head explodes. True story. I was a vegan for years, and am now mostly vegetarian, but I do love fish.

7. I'm really quite a bad driver. I was once wheeling round town with a date and he said "Wow! Maybe you'd be safer in all this traffic if you were on a horse." And I was like, "Ummmmm....yeah, maybe."

THE END. That wasnt so hard after all.

Via here.